Curiosity Killed the Cat ~ and A Spammer Too

Aug 28, 2011 | Bright Wings articles, Connection, Consciousness, Pets, Writing

So while deleting my spam folder this week, one subject line caught my attention.  It sounded like maybe ~ just maybe ~ it might be about something legitimate.  So I read it and didn’t quite understand what the sender wants.  This led me on an hilarious adventure, which I will share with you here.

(I am not making this up, I swear!)  Sometimes spam can be deliciously funny.  (Or just plain weird.)  You decide.

First email:

Subject Line:  Pet Services

(OK, so far so good.  I’m interested.)

Body of email:


i am interested in your services for my cats,kindly write back so i can send them to you 

(name deleted to protect the guilty party)

Note : They are  10 cats , i will be paying with my credit card and have them shipped to you as i am currently out of town .
(Yep, that was all in bold.  See why I was puzzled here?)
I decide to see if I can get him to clarify what he wants.  I have no clue from this.
(I mean, what?  He wants to send me some. . . cats???)
My first reply:
“I don’t understand what you mean.  Please explain.”
His answer:
i have cats i will like you to groom for you .
(OK now this is just getting weird.  I decide that he really IS a spammer.  And I’m outta there.)
My final reply:
Sorry, this is not what we do.  We can’t help you.
Now then.  Can anyone help me count all the things wrong with this?  At first pass, I rolled off my chair laughing.  I shared it with my partner.  We are still laughing.
The pet services I offer are flower essences for animals; how anyone might think that includes grooming — who knows??
But then there is the serious side, too — which gives me pause.  Are there REALLY people out there who:
1)  Imagine anyone in the pet industry (or online, for that matter) would seriously consider the idea of sending (umm, how exactly does that work anyhow) cats?
2)  Think online pet services are gullible?  Or that such services entertain fools gladly? (I think not.)

He wants to send WHAT??? Image by Hibakusha

That said, I have a few other concerns here with this proposition — such as it is.
1)  Are said cats living or. . otherwise?  (I cannot bear to even consider the possibilities.)
2)  If a cat needed grooming — which by the way, most cat owners know how to do very well and don’t require outside help for it unless there are mats or tangles — there are pet grooming shops just about everywhere.  Why on earth would a person need (or want, for that matter) to “send” cats to a location for the purpose of having them groomed?  I just can’t get my head around who would think that way.
3)  Suppose, for a moment, though, that such a grooming service existed — that a cat groomer would accept a “shipment” of ten cats to be groomed without having first established the legal ownership of the person inquiring; the reliability and possibly even the morals of said person; the actual proficiency of the groomer whose work is being solicited; cost of the services; responsibility of each party; and so on.  What arrangements would be suitable for both parties for the transaction to be completed without having ever laid eyes on said animals?  Are these long or short-hair cats?  Are they even in the same genus as household felines, or are these in the, shall we say “lions-and-tigers” category?  Are they current with their vaccinations and free of illness?  Finally, supposing that all the above issues could be proven acceptable (yeah, I can hardly type these words with the tears of laughter pouring down my face. . . this idea just gets more and more hysterical the longer I think about it) — there is the little question of what am I supposed to DO with the ten cats once they have been groomed?  Into whose care will I be delivering them?  Am I then to “send” them somewhere?  If so, by what methods?
At the end I was torn between giving him a stern lecture about appropriate cat care, but thought better of it.  I decided that a person who goes this far isn’t capable of receiving information like that and probably doesn’t deserve it to begin with.

I would have just deleted it, but. . . as you can see, I’m having some fun with it instead.  The more I thought about it, I decided it was worth some space on the blog.  What do YOU think??



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